Thursday, September 17, 2009

Sharing is loving, loving is sharing

Talking is one way to share thoughts and feelings between partners. Research has shown that women actually talk more than men, in fact about three times more in terms of the number of words.

This fact does not excuse men to from not talk. It is the men who “clam up” and refuse to talk. There are also cases where men who do more talking than women, just as there are cases where it is the women who talk a lot as well as those women who do not wish to talk a lot. There is actually no clear cut or fool proof way to judge who should do more of the talking or who should do less. It is primarily not about gender but about the individual themselves.

Communication is a vital part of any relationship. Openness and honesty is a key ingredient to maintaining a kind of memorable relationship that is mutually loving and emotionally comfortable.

The following are tips and possible activities one can do to get yourself or your partner to talk his/her heart out, and share voluntarily any fears and insecurities that either feels. Conversation helps partners form a solid bond that will not be easily eroded. This is vital especially in your effort to saving a marriage.

Ask and you shall receive

The best and simplest way to get a person to talk is by asking a question. It is best if the partner asks his/her partner how the day went or how they feel.

Often it is best that partners ask each these questions after hours they have been apart most of the day; after work or after a long business trip, etc. But do not forget it is also important to ask sincerely looking straight into their eyes. Ask how he or she is feeling or has he/she experienced something they want to share? Sometimes the partner may not want to talk. Relax, let it be and be patient. Relationships are nurtured by respecting another’s decision - everything has its own proper time and place. Do not force it.

Let him or her finish

A very annoying habit some partners have is finishing the other partner’s sentences. Though you may have good intentions, when you think you are helping, the fact is – doing so creates the impression that the partner is getting impatient with the verbally challenged approach to sentence construction. The partner being corrected could either find this act rude.

Go with the flow. Trust your partner’s judgment and verbal prowess. He or she will thank you for it in the long run.

Stop, look and listen

The most important advice anyone could receive is irrelevant if the one receiving the advice is not listening. They key to communication is in listening just as much as it is in the talking.

One partner sometimes gets the other to talk by simply listening intently to what the other is saying. This gives the impression that what the other is saying is important. Verbal signals are just as important as non-verbal ones. Active listening is a good practice any time. It breaks down barriers and puts down any or all reservations one partner may have. But do not just listen, value what the other partner is saying. All it really takes is an ear and a heart to validate another’s existence.

In summary, fears and insecurities are a part of everyone’s psyche. All one has to do is to share it in order to lighten any emotional load he or she may be carrying. But it is also similarly important that the one it is being shared with is listening and genuinely cares what the other is talking about. Sharing makes everyone human and humane. And it is a valuable gift that both women and men must cherish.

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