Monday BLUE sets in again...
Here's some jokes to share with everyone to kill the BLUEs...
A man is very ashamed of his penis because of the size. He has an extremely small penis and doesn't want his girlfriend to dump him when she sees the size.
One night when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner he decides he will show it to her. The man unzips his pants, whips out his small dick, and shoves it into her hand.
He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction. His girlfriend says, "Thanks for offering, but I don't smoke."
Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite.
One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr.Johnson, your barracks door is open." He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary.
Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?"
The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why? no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags."
"Mum, can I ask you something?"
"Sure! What about?"
"You see, I'm already fourteen and... I think it's just proper that I should own one."
"And what is this 'one' you're referring to?"
"Could you buy me a neat set of brassieres?"
"But my nipples are already prominent and it catches attention."
"Nope." "It will be just proper at my age..."
"I said no way...!"
But all of my friends wears.......!"
"David! How many times must I tell you that bras are for girls!?"
An 80 year old man is having his annual check-up at his doctor's office.
He says to the doctor, "I've never felt better in my whole life. In fact, I have a 20 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child. "What do you think of that!!!"
The doctor thinks for a second and then says, "Let me tell you a story. I know this guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a hunting season. But one day he's in a hurry to go hunting and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his rifle. So he's in the woods and suddenly a giant grizzly bear appears out of nowhere. He raises his umbrella, points at the bear, squeezes the handle and the bear drops dead in front of him. What do you think of that?"
The old man says, "That's impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear!".
"EXACTLY" says the doctor.
This Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
"Say, Mom," he asked, "why is my bigger brother named 'Mighty Storm'?"
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm.", she replied.
"Why is my sister named 'Corn Flower' ?"
"Well," his mother answered, "Your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."
"And why is my other sister called 'Moon Child'?"
"We were watching the moon landing while she was conceived," the mother replied.
The mother then asked the boy, "Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?!"
Biology Lesson in Class
During a Biology class, the teacher asked the class :
"Why is that during childhood, gals tend to grow taller than guys?"
A student replied : "That's because guys have "balls" and that weighs them down."
Teacher : "Then why is that at maturity, guys tend to grow taller than gals?"
Student : "That's because gals have breasts and they are heavier than the guy's "balls".
Difference between Firefly, Butterfly and Cockroach
A father and a son went to the river for fishing.
While fishing, a firefly came by disturbing the son's concentration.
Feeling agitated, the son killed the firefly. On seeing his son notorious behaviour, the father punished the son saying "no FIRE for you for a whole week".
In the second incident, again both went fishing, and this time a butterfly came by. And again the son killed the butterfly by stepping on it. The father became angry and again punished the son by saying "no BUTTER for you for a whole week".
Back home, they were then joined by the mother for dinner. In between, a cockroach appear before them on the dining table and without thinking for a second, the mother wacked on the cockroach until it dies.
The son turn to the father asking, do you want me to tell mom or you want to tell mom.